COULD A MAN BE GUILTY OF RAPING HIS OWN WIFE ???
If this question was asked in a European country or in the U.S. the answer would be a brusque and clear , without any reservations , " Yes, certainly " . There would be no hesitation , rather the one asking the question would get a look in the face , " Why ? Is a husband not a man , and is a wife not a woman ? " As for the Muslim countries, the answer , to no one's surprise would be, "Don't ask this stupid question again". Not only this , but that person would also be deemed to be mentally sick.
In a society where they have come to protect human dignity at all cost , the law does not differentiate between the sexes. Does "Religion" play any important role in defining the parameters of civilized behaviour? Well this will be looked into a bit later. Laws are made by the people , for the people and they keep changing according to the needs of the people. There it is easy to understand why laws have to be within the bounds of logic and common-sense. The law-making exercise is based on fulfilling the legitimate needs of people , at the time.
In the western society the basic premise for any law is "liberty of an indivisual" and for any interaction between adults, including the act of having sex requires "consent." Defining an act of having sex, to be right or wrong , requires the parties to be adult, of the same mind and able to consent or not. And that is why words "consent adults" are used so frequently in the matters of sex. Irrespective of the relationship of the parties involved, the 'consent' bit is of the most importance in all matters. The law treats both husband and wife , as equal partners and as such they have equal rights. This means that like any other consenting adults, they may have sex, but even in that relationship, sex is still a matter of consent, one can not force the act upon the other.
The law accepts that sex is an essential part of a marriage but the element of consent is foremost. A wife 'willingly' gives herself to her husband, and the husband 'willingly' accepts her, such is also included in the vows of the western marriage. It is understood that a wife may say "no" to having marital relationship, for any reason whatsoever. Non-existence of a marital relationship may lead to be 'ground' for divorce, that is if any one party chooses it .
There have been several cases where a wife has taken her husband to the court, accusing him of raping her. The law accepts that if a husband has forced himself upon his wife , while she was unwilling and did not consent , "then it is an act of rape."
As for the Muslim countries, this very concept is not present at all, that a husband can rape her wife. Women do stay quiet at these times, thinking that it is their duty to make themselves available to their men, thus allowing them to do "whatever" they want , which mostly includes small form of oral sex. Neither has this case been openly discussed , nor is anyone prepared to give a clue to what one thinks for a straight forward answer. The clergymen and the "mullahs" never even try to think of "woman's rights" and would term this whole question as "the west is trying to confuse our new generation with such unholy thinking , and this is yet another conspiracy against Islam." Here in the Muslim countries rape only occurs when a man crosses the boundaries of religion and civil and all other laws to sexually violate a woman's body , to have sexual pleasure, be it extra-marital or pre-marital.
The definition of 'rape' as termed by most is not "having sex without consent or will" , but is in fact "the act of enforcing sex upon the other indivisual while the other person doesn't want it" , and this includes homosexual crimes too." But whatever the definition one may make , it is still assumed that rape is condemned in all societies, communities and religions.
There are times when the relations between husband and wife may become strained , and either spouse may not feel like being in any physical relationship; married men and women go through these problems and they are aware of it very well. But men can overpower women (thinking that it was just a temporary phase which is over now) , so if the very act of saying "no" to the marital relationship can anger a man , doesn't it make women feel real bad about it?
Now if a husband decides to divorce his wife , and if the wife comes to terms with it somehow , then what other choice may she have, except to take it as a rape if she doesn't want any relationship with her (presently estranged) husband whilst he is trying to enforce it on her. (Then again, in the west, a woman would take this as a rape and may go to the court.) But what if this very thing happens in the East ??? Well...Asian women would somehow try to overpower their anger , because they would still think in their husbands favour, and for the Muslim countries it would be more like this ... "after all , he is still my husband" ... and thus she would stay quiet , so that the matter doesn't leak out in the family or the neighbours, which would add disgrace to the reputation of the wife only ,because after divorce she has a very little chance to get married again. But then Islam announces something here..and it may come as a surprise in this context here , but in fact the only way of trying to stop the divorce from proceeding , a man "must have sex with his wife." .... Well well...who thinks and cares for women then?! Lets hope we do find the answer.
This question stunned me when I read it in an article...and thought that 'western women have come up with something new and stupid' , and although it is the right of a woman not to be taken as a child-producing machine, but this is ridiculous...plus that we men need to think about this too because we always want our woman to be ready for us whether it suits her or not. But then as I went through the whole issue , I realised where we men stand in this case , particularly in Pakistan, and that how unfair it is all for women , because it is not even a considerable thing that women can or want to say "no" to their husbands. Many men in my country are of the opinion that sex should not be enforced , rather women should be talked to sweetly, and then "involved" into it (as it seems to be the proper way), but "rape a wife"??? , the answer is "NO WAY."
In a newspaper of ours , it read :
"Marital rape not a crime, say Muslim delegates"
CAIRO: Muslim delegates at a U.N. Conference on crime succeeding in deleting calls for elimination of marital rape from a draft resolution prepared by a committee tackling violence against women.
Host country Egypt, backed by Iran and Indonesia, protested against the proposed Canadian text, saying the legal system of many Muslim countries did not recognise marital rape. The resolution finally passed by the committee urged to take measures "to prevent, prohibit, eliminate and impose effective sanctions against rape or sexual assault, sexual abuse and all practices harmful to women and girl children, including female genital mutilation."
"We support Egypt on the subject of marital rape. Marital rape is not considered a crime in Iran", the Iranian delegate, whose name was not immediately available, told the committee. "The Islamic Shariah (Law) does not recognise the concept of marital rape." The committee's decision angered women at the conference. "It was very healthy that they didn't challenge female genital mutilation" , said Lee Lakeman of the Canadian Association Of Sexual Assault Centres.
"But I was disappointed by the calibre of the discussion about marital rape....They supplied themselves with an excuse not to go beyond the laws that exist in any given country. That is not acceptable women do not have equality in any country in the world."
The resolution also calls for women subjected to violence to have access to "justice, restitution, reparations... safe housing and shelters for women and children...to promote their safety and physical and psychological healing..."
Conference resolutions are non-binding.
Reuters
Hmmmmm ......The Islamic Shariah does not have any recognition to this matter?????? It is time that we look again for if it is not in exact words, it must have something to present or say that we have either over-viewed or went unconsidered on our part. Surely a Religion that provides woman with such a high pedestal must have something to say because it just can not pass by "unconcerned."
I tried to ask this question myself to a couple of people; one of them is my friend. He instead asked me a question that further dragged me into an obscure position . He said , "Should a man make love to his wife the very first night of the wedding ?". I was startled as well as baffled . This had made me recall another discussion I had overheard in my college days , when two boys claimed they knew exactly why a few brides they had monitored were not being able to walk properly on their "Walimah" (day after the wedding-day).
( We men go over the edge...and its pathetic)
But here's what the Quran says where I just come to a full stop.
Verse 223 of Surah Al-Baqarah (The Cow) reads out , "Your wives are fields for you. Approach your field the way you want (when they are clean), and send forward for yourselves good deeds. And be pious with Allah, and know it clear that you have to meet Him. (O Holy Prophet) Give happy news to those who obey."
This was a direct statement for men. What about women? This is where I come to a halt. I somewhat have the answer to that too, but I am trying to find a better one. I hope I find it soon.
Surely I wrote this not from the Muslim view only...but i desperately need comments and suggestions from the Non-Muslim eye too.
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